EUROPEAN CONFORMITY

Europhobes are constantly trying to frighten us with the idea that closer contact with Europe will enmesh us in an ever-closing net of dull uniformity. How far that is from the truth can be easily established by a glance at any range of medications.

I, for example, like many of my age take six forms of medication daily, some many more. Some old people find it difficult to keep track of their dosage. You would think then that a simple standardisation of packaging, with clear instructions, would be of great advantage to all concerned, and easy to achieve. Not a bit of it.

Of my tablets and capsules, three come in packs of fourteen; but two come in packs of ten, and one in packs of seven. Consequently, over time, I begin to run out of some types of medication before others. One type, ordered on the prescription form in batches of eighty-four, is marketed only in packs of twenty, so I am constantly being cluttered with cut-off bits of pack containg twos or fours to make up the number. Of the packs of ten, one is arranged as two rows of four and a split row of two, the other consists of two rows of five each. Of the packs of fourteen, one displays two rows of seven with a calendar marking, another shows two rows of seven without a calendar, and one runs vertically, four down the left side, four up the right side, and two down the middle, like a country dance. Oh, and it displays a calendar, but in Spanish. All right as long as you remember Placido Domingo.

Perhaps the finest example of the pill-packers art is the pack of seven; not, as you might expect, a small pack, but in a form larger than any of the others, displaying ten huge pods, three of which are empty, and none of which contains anything larger than a standard capsule.

Add to this that most of these medications have at least two names - one, indeed, oscillates between three - and you have the perfect formula for confusion. It's a wonder that little old ladies aren't dropping like flies all over Europe. I exclude the possibility of securing co-operation from the Americans, who still measure screws in inches and always write the date backwards, but I do feel that sensible Europeans could collaborate in a more rational system of presenting medication.